Snuffed

It happened again.

My coworker came over and started explaining another simple thing a customer needed. I could hear the coworker over the punk music in my headphones. I let the angsty music continue. I was way past the stage of stopping my music to listen to their constant and redundant requests. The catchy chorus of the song is the only thing keeping me from wanting to scream loud enough for the entire department to hear. Wanting to scream loudly about our company’s constant empty promises of giving me an assistant, about the customers’ redundant requests no matter the number of times I demonstrate to them how it is done, about the coworker’s perfect ability to shift work off themselves and onto me. The coworker finally finishes the long winded request and expects a response… I tell him the customer has been shown how to fix the problem many times. I tell him I will show them again. The coworker thanks me, feigns gratitude, and walks away. Finally, I can listen to the music in silence and the wanting to scream loudly turns into a feeling of cold numbness. I sit in my cluttered cubicle, waiting, trying to motivate myself to help the demanding customer. After ten minutes, I called the customer.

I show the customer the simple fix to the problem again. I ask if they have any relevant questions and get the same semi-relevant questions over and over again. What the fuck! Am I being interrogated!? As if asking me for the sixth time will magically change how the whole system works. I end it there with the same simple answer and tell them to have a nice day. I really wanted to scream at them, FUCK OFF! After the call, the feeling of cold numbness comes back and all I want to do is quietly sit there. I don’t want to check my boring email, update our redundant client notes, and customers served list. All I want is to feel something other than burning anger and frozen nothingness. Maybe, I will make myself feel ridiculously happy. Before I can start tricking myself into feeling ridiculously happy, another coworker comes by. Lather, Rinse, and Fuckin’ Repeat.